Like most Americans during the 4 day election standstill from Nov 3 to Nov 7, my eyes were glued to the television screen, following a man tapping a screen faster than I can type on my laptop with rapt attention. As election results rushed in, the once blank slate of the electoral college map turned one of two colors: red or blue. These colors are the distinction between which party won which state or which district. As many know during the election season, blue is for Democrats, red is for Republicans.

This phenomenon first occurred in the 1976 election, but in a different way. Red was used for the Democratic Jimmy Carter and blue for the Republican Gerald Ford, according to the Smithsonian Magazine. Different outlets used many different colors to represent the different parties or ideologies. The standard for US politics didn’t come about until the 2000 election, when the New York Times represented the Republican party with red because they began with the same letter and so was, “A more natural association,” New York Times Graphics Director Archie Tse said in the Smithsonian Magazine. Ever since, red has been used for Republicans and blue used for Democrats.

This desire to serve alliteration, however, has left me at a crossroads. My favorite color is red. It has been ever since I was little, and now after watching the elections, my relationship with my favorite color is a little strained.

Throughout this election the color red, rather than just representing the more conservative side of the country—which is perfectly fine—represented something much darker. Red in this election represented ridiculous conspiracy theories regarding members of the Democratic Party, spineless pandering to a President that is two steps away from becoming a dictator, and the party endorsed by white supremacists that go against everything this country was founded on.

I cannot reconcile my favorite color with the actions it has represented in this election. My favorite color is the warmth of a fire, the color of my favorite sports teams, and part of the American flag. I cannot reconcile what this color means to me with what it means at the moment. It is synonymous with hate and tyranny and bigotry that have no place around me or in this country.

In this day and age where this country is so divided, dividing parties by color—though convenient—can no longer be a good idea. Much as President-Elect Biden has said, the two sides must now unite to heal the country, we can no longer think in terms of red states and blue states and all the connotations therein. We must stop seeking ways to split our country up. Instead, maybe we should use the initials of the candidates or of the parties in all business black, otherwise these divisions, highlighted by the media sponsored division of the country by color every four years, may truly eat us alive, and truly ruin my favorite color for the rest of my life. For red can no longer be my favorite color if it has been used against the unity of my country.